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First the gas leak, then a flood, now the blackout. What's next?!

The 2019-2020 school year has started off with a bang. The elementary school was plagued with a pipe that nearly flooded the whole school. I heard that the water was combated by the students who were eager to help, and get out of class. And then on the other side of town, the high school experienced a blackout when Mr. Murman plugged an electric guitar and three coffee makers into one outlet. The student body was then forced to use their phones' flashlights to navigate the school, at least that’s what the freshman did. Now, this isn’t the first time the high school has been burdened with a life-changing conflict. Last year, Mrs. Wewel left a couple gas valves open and flooded the school with toxic gasses. There were no casualties; however, my Junior Presentation was greatly affected by the day’s stress.


This begs the question, what could possibly happen next? Looking into statistics, we are in store for a school year full of conflicts of baffling proportions. I can see the headlines now. “Archbishop Bergan Closed due to Sinkhole.” Many people may believe this sort of disaster has too low of a probability to inflict worry on the attendance of Archbishop Bergan. However, does anyone know how Mr. Briganti gets into the school? I mean, it seems kind of strange how nobody has ever seen him enter the building. One may say that he just arrives so early, that no one is here to see him arrive. I propose an alternative explanation. Mr. Briganti has dug a series of tunnels that lead into his room. Now, I don’t doubt Mr. Briganti is very skilled in architecture; however, I feel those tunnels are bound to cave in eventually because they are not structurally sound.

I cannot tell the future, but Archbishop Bergan has quite a track record when it comes to unfortunate events. All I’m saying is, no event is too far out of reach for our school.


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